Principled Man
Phil Denaro loved organisation. Some may say he was a perfectionist but he was just very principled. He liked order and reliability. He took words and assurances seriously and easily took offence when promises were not kept. Sadly, because of the imperfect nature of people, Phil was often disappointed by those around him. It was difficult for him to trust people in whatever he was involved in because disappointments were typically the end result.
Phil constantly observed people around him. He wanted to know those who were dependable. He wanted to live at a standard above of the unprincipled people he had around him. He observed elders, his fellow young men and women, and several other groups but he was disappointed in all of them. Phil was particularly saddened whenever elders disappointed him. It left him so gloomy that it would have been better if he did not have any expectations of them beforehand. Among his fellow men, those who seemed slightly different from the majority were actually people who were trying to improve on themselves but in his experience, most of those people had perfectionist tendencies. Phil also considered females in his search for principles. He found that most of them were pursuing perfection but it was driven by many things that could be diverted by circumstances and scattered by minor issues.
On his 18th birthday, Phil decided he would go to a school in a different city. He applied to, and gained admission, at different universities. He became confused as to which would be the right one to register with. Phil searched internet sources to get some information on expectations at the various schools where he had applied. He could not find anything helpful. Unfortunately, the school brochures were not helpful either. He settled for a generic research into the cities where the schools were located, with the hope that the cities would reflect life in the school. He considered the crime rate, as a major indicator of the state of the environment. Greenville University was his final choice. Its students looked respectable and the school seemed principled. Everything seemed to be on course towards giving Phil the sort of environment he wanted but things proved to be more complicated than he expected.
Students in Phil’s school were drawn from diverse backgrounds and cultures. Their values were usually miles apart. Jack Henderson, who Phil met in school, was however different from the majority. He was from a religious home, where virtues were upheld. Jack’s lifestyle and actions were in sync with his acclaimed values. He was also disciplined. The relationship between the pair was great. They were a perfect team, appreciating what they each stood for. They were like peanut butter and jelly spread on sandwich and they happily did many things together.
One day, Phil was eating a sandwich as he walked down the road with Jack. Jack looked disgusted so Phil asked, “Are you okay? You’re looking at me awkwardly.” “It’s nothing much; just you and the sandwich”, he replied. “What’s wrong?” “It’s awkward to eat while walking on the road. It’s making me uncomfortable. I can’t eat on the road, even if I was dying. It’s just not right; it’s not me.” Phil immediately wrapped up the sandwich and took a drink of water. They continued towards their destination. Phil decided not to ever again eat on the road since his friend and some others might consider it improper. Two weeks later, as he and Jack walked down another road while working on a business class marketing assignment, Jack asked for a break. They strolled towards a tree. When they were under it, Jack pulled a sandwich out of his bag, split it in two, handing one half to Phil. When Phil had received his half, Jack started to chew on the other one. Phil was confused.
“Are we eating in the open?”, Phil asked Jack. “Yeah, I’m famished and was about to faint. What’s up?” Jack responded. “Hmmm!” was all Phil could say. “Is there a problem with that?” Phil rushed to answer as if he was yearning for the question. “You said you could never eat on the road, whatever the situation; not even if you were dying but now you’re eating voraciously as though there’s no tomorrow.” “This was a life and death situation, bro! Rules are meant to guide, not to enslave.” Phil was disappointed. He felt betrayed. Jack had proven to be less dependable than Phil had supposed. Jack’s defence for his behaviour was inexcusable; it only made matters worse”. Phil did not see it that way. He felt betrayed. Weeks earlier, he had adjusted his behaviour according to his friend’s preferences. To have the same friend attempt to justify his own similar behaviour, trying to dismiss it, was beyond him.
The next day, Phil convinced Jack of the importance of being able to be held up to one’s words. They agreed to keep each other in check in the future. If anyone between them did not live up to expectation in keeping to his word, the other could punish him. Jack initially did not like the idea but agreed to it when he considered it could help him be more trustworthy. The young men developed their friendship more and continually strengthened themselves and indeed became better for it. Throughout their time in school, they encouraged each other in the face of challenges that resulted from the stress in the school environment. They used phrases such as “You can do it” or “Let’s keep moving” were some common refrains between them when one of them had a difficulty with something.
They celebrated their graduation with a deep sense of fulfilment because they considered their student phase as an important one in their lives. Their private celebration lunch took place at Bruns Steak House Restaurant, which was said to serve juicy steaks and other mouth-watering meals. They were in the company of other friends.
Phil, Jack and their company of friends waited quite a while to be served but no one walked over to them. It was very busy – there were people entering and leaving at a fast rate. Some were regular customers. Others were students from the school and their visitors who came on occasion of the graduation. After a long wait, when frustration had set in, Phil made a complaint to a waitress who he saw attending to some other business. She didn’t listen but walked away hastily, without as much as an apology or an appeal for understanding. It seemed she saw Phil’s complaint as the whining of a baby crying for breast milk. Another waitress walked up to their table and commented, “It gets really busy here on days like this but we got it all under control. How may I help y’all?” She could have done a better job to communicate that the delay was not deliberate. The young men placed their orders and the lady disappeared to attend to their requests. After waiting for over an hour in total, the food arrived. It looked unpresentable; sloppy and uninteresting and it definitely tasted ordinary. It was not worth the time spent waiting. The young men left the restaurant. They were disappointed. Phil immediately vowed to himself that he would not eat there. His friends, on the other hand, did not express any reservations against eating at Bruns.
It was five years after their graduation when Phil and his friend’s had their reunion get-together. They had it coincide with the school’s homecoming week. The young men had all gone their way, doing jobs in different parts of the state and country. Phil and Jack had been in touch with each other all that time. Most of the friends were able to make it to the reunion; seven out of ten. Jack did not make it, unfortunately. He had made plans for the journey but got assigned an important task at work a few days to the date. The young men’s gathering brought back beautiful memories of the past. They reminisced their times together – times when they played football, participated in talent shows and evening balls. The young men exchanged business cards and decided to end their get-together over lunch on the afternoon of the end of the homecoming week. Where would they have lunch? Bruns Steak House Restaurant? At the thought of the place, Phil recalled the disappointment he and his friend’s had five years earlier. The memory seemed not to be even slightly less bitter. His friends agreed on Bruns Steak House. “Have they forgotten the events on their graduation day?” Phil wondered. “Have they been bewitched?” Phil didn’t consider that things may have changed at the restaurant. Five years had already passed. There could have been some improvements.
Phil sat in but he did not place an order. He wanted to hold fast to his vow. He went with his friends only so that he would not be seen as the spoiler of their reunion. Phil had refused to order some food, even after some of his friends offered to pay for his meal, assuming he was short of cash. He declined their offer. His friends placed their own orders and started to eat when the food had been served. Nobody realised that Phil was plagued by the experience he had in that very restaurant five years earlier. They all ate oblivious of the matter. Another one of them, Billy, who also could not make it, would have easily drawn attention to the past experience and pointed to it as the reason for Phil’s behaviour but no one else could. If Jack had been present, he would have snapped Phil out his thinking. As the friends talked over their meal, Phil watched the waitresses, to see if they would drop the ball; make a mistake or do something that would point to the sloppiness of the place. Nothing happened. Instead of spotting something wrong, everything pointed to the service as being top-notch. The food was great, as the young men all testified.
As the men all walked out of the restaurant, Phil felt a rumble in his stomach region. He was hungry; very hungry. Phil was disappointed in himself because of the haste with which he had made his wow. The men walked towards the parking space, exchanged greetings further, made promises to keep in touch more often and then began to get into their cars and they drove away. Phil drove away also. He was really very hungry and so he decided to stop by at another restaurant along the way. He consoled himself with a thought that even though service at Bruns was better than it was at the time of his last visit, the one he was getting in that other restaurant was just as good. That was until he almost choked on a bone he accidentally swallowed. The bone was hidden in some food he placed into his mouth. There should not have been any bone in it. The restaurant manager apologised over the incident and asked for the bill to be waived. Phil however insisted on paying and left after doing that.
“Was it worth it?” The thought kept racing through Phil’s mind. What were principles, really and did they need to be very rigid? What did it really mean to be principled? Was it possible to be principled and how can it be accomplished? Phil contemplated the fact that he could actually have lost his life as a result of the bone that had gotten into his throat. Was he willing to endanger his life in order to pass himself off as a man of high principles? The problem he faced in his pursuit of principles for living was that he was the one legislating when and how to apply his beliefs. They were not necessarily fair or realistic. His expectations and standards were sometimes beyond what was rational. Rules for living are more humane when they emanate from a source and principle beyond one’s own person. In such cases, they are more realistic and livable. That is the place of God. He sees beyond people’s actions and knows their actual intentions. His own judgments are fair. Governing one’s own life on the basis of selfishness and spontaneity is not wise.
To be governed by the divine in itself is not necessarily easy. It would take a personal and intimate relationship with God, beyond mere guesses. It would take a commitment to deep fellowship. God reveals himself to whoever pursues him genuinely. Do you know God for yourself?
Leave a Reply